Monday, December 9, 2013

EPISODE 15


The first sound I recall hearing was the screeching of metal on concrete as my car slipped through the darkness and downward into what turned out was open elevator shaft.  It quickly became wedged as the front wheels and axle hooked onto the ledge at curb level and the rear bumper smashed into the interior wall of the shaft.  Still, the terrible noise continued.  It was so loud that I was actually beginning to ache from it.  That’s when I noticed that this hellish sound was actually coming from me.  I closed my open mouth and it stopped.  All I could hear then was an ad on the radio, reminding me to “Click it, or ticket”.  I was so out of it that I found myself checking to see if I’d remembered to fasten my seat belt.  A friend of mine who’d been hit by a bus while driving downtown on 3rd Avenue told me he’d gotten out of his destroyed vehicle to ask the people inside the bus if they were alright, so I suppose I wasn’t too far gone.

Through the windshield, I could see that a few people had crowded around where my car hung at the edge of the elevator shaft opening.

“You okay?” one of them shouted to me.

“Not really.”

“Are you hurt?”

“No.”

Almost immediately, about half of the people who had been staring down at me turned their backs and left.  I guess without a little blood and gore to match the sound effects, who really wanted to stick around?

“Do you think you can open your door?” another voice called to me.

In fact, it was probably long past the time when I should have started to figure out a way out of my predicament.  Who was to say that my car wouldn’t slip and tumble down into the dark hole below me?  I had no idea how many basements or subbasements this building had.  It had dawned on me though that even a short fall was going to hurt like hell.  I tried the door, but it barely opened a few inches before it hit the wall.  Clearly, I was going to have to climb out the window.

Moving as gingerly as possible, I worked my way through the window, onto the hood of the car and reached up to a pair of hands that belonged to a large gentleman who had lain on his stomach at the edge of the elevator shaft opening.  He pulled and I scrambled up the side of the wall where I landed, gasping on the sidewalk.  He helped me to my feet.

“Thanks!” I exclaimed, looking down at where the car lay, still wedged with the front axle hooked at the edge of the elevator shaft opening. 

“No problem” he replied as he brushed dirt off the front of his shirt.  “You know,” he added casually, “You’re in a shitload of trouble.”

Actually, I thought I’d just gotten out of a shitload of trouble, but I was willing to trust my rescuer.

“Your car is in my elevator shaft, asshole.”

I soon discovered that my savior was the building superintendent and as such, he was now also a potential enemy.  My car was indeed in his elevator shaft and on the face of it; I had absolutely no idea what to do about getting it back out.  I had the presence of mind though not to say another word.  I figured correctly that anything I might say would be used against me somehow, so I reached into my pocket and pulled out my cell phone.  I called SlipNot and asked to speak with Bosco.

A half hour later, one of SlipNot’s neatly dressed and appropriately intimidating attorneys arrived, as did a radio dispatch tow truck.  The attorney took me aside and asked me to briefly tell him what had happened, which I did.  He then warned me not to say another word, which I was more than willing to do.  Meanwhile, the tow truck driver looked over the situation in the elevator shaft.  He walked over to where the attorney and I stood.

“It’s bad, man” he began.  “For openers, there’s no way I can attach a line to the front axle and pull this thing out.  All that’ll do is rip the front of the car off and leave the ass end fall down to the bottom.  I could call another truck in, but even then, I don’t know how that’s going to help us.  We still gotta lift the back up in the air so it’ll clear the lip.”

He pointed at the edge where the front axle lay and it became very clear what he meant.  Another tow truck or even three wasn’t going to be the answer.

The attorney walked away from us and approached the superintendent who was beginning to fume.

“What are you gonna do?” he barked at the attorney.

            “When are you going to tell your service elevator operator to keep away from the first floor?” the attorney asked coolly.

The next installment will be posted on December 16.

If you'd like to read the entire book today, GO HERE.
 

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