EPISODE 16

The super’s eyes widened.  He ran over to an intercom on the wall next to the shaft opening and pressed the button.  His near hysterical instructions drew an apathetic grunt in response from the elevator man, but he did indeed stop on the floor above and then walked down to ground level to take in the spectacle.

This was an inventive man, one who quickly sized up the situation and then patiently waited for the right moment to play his hand.  He took up a position just within earshot of what was rapidly becoming a heated, but decidedly one-way exchange between the super and the attorney.  The super was doing all of the talking while the attorney impassively stared at the open elevator shaft.

“Listen, my friend!” yelled the super,  “If that friggin’ piece of crap car of yours has done anything to my elevator…I’m gonna sue this asshole,” and he pointed at me as he drew breath to continue, “and then I’m gonna sue the lousy company you and he work for for every fucking dime I can get!”

The attorney said nothing, although he did turn towards the tow truck driver, who shrugged without commitment.

“I’m telling you” the super went on, “I’m not gonna have to work another day for the rest of my life if that happens.  You guys are gonna pay big!”

This was the moment the elevator man had been waiting for.  He walked quietly up to the attorney and stood just a couple feet from his right side, placing the attorney between himself and the now almost raving super.  For his part, the super was now foaming on about how he was going to leave his wife and take up residence in the Bahamas once he won his lawsuit.  I wondered how much of my annual salary was going to be going to him each year and how many years I was going to essentially be in indentured servitude to him.

But the elevator operator saw both that this was his moment and that there was another possible outcome to this situation.  He calmly explained his plan to the attorney.

“Hey man, for a hundred bucks, I could attach a cable to the bottom of the elevator, slide the other end down the back wall and then hook it to the rear axle of that car.  We get that tow truck to hook on to the front of the car and as I bring the elevator up, we can slowly ease the whole thing outa here.  I don’t think the car or the elevator shaft will feel a thing.”

“You asshole!” the super exploded at the elevator man, seeing his fantasy of bimbos, booze, and debauchery in the Bahamas vaporize.  “Whose side are you on anyway?”

The elevator operator ignored him, clearly now only interested in advocating a position that would be to his own benefit.  He kept after the attorney, pleading his case.  Quite suddenly, the attorney turned away from his meditation on the open elevator shaft and nodded his head at the elevator man.

“You know, that’s exactly what we’re going to do,” he said evenly. 

He turned his gaze to the super and went on.  “Your man is going to inch that cable down the side of our car and God forbid if it should even graze the finish on the paint.  Then, when the car is safely back on the street, I’m going to personally inspect it for any damage that may have occurred while it was in that shaft.  Then, I’m going to take Michael here to the hospital to be checked out.  Who knows what kind of injuries he may have sustained?  And then, my friend we are going to sue you and the owners of this building for gross negligence.”

“Fuck you!” the super shouted.  “Fuck both of you!  I didn’t drive a car down that elevatorshaft!  You did!”

“Exactly” said the attorney.  “And you have an open elevator shaft at street level.  You’re lucky some kid didn’t fall down it and kill himself.  No, you were lucky as all hell.  You just had Michael here back his car down it.  With any luck, his injuries won’t be life threatening.”

“Who are you kidding?  He’s fine, look at him!  He ain’t hurt.”

I stood there, suddenly aware that everyone was inspecting me for the slightest blemish.  I started to open my mouth to reply, but the attorney cut me off.

“Not a word, Michael.  You don’t say anything until we’ve had a doctor examine you.”

 

He looked back at the super.

“Maybe we won’t actually end up owning this piece of shit building once the jury has heard my case.  But one thing I can promise you, my friend – you are going to be out of a job before I even get back to my office this afternoon.”

The attorney turned away from the now silent and completely despondent super and addressed the elevator operator.

“Are you clear on what’s going to happen next?” he asked.

“Oh yeah” the elevator man replied.  “And things being what they are, fifty bucks is fine.”

The next installment will be posted on December 23.

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